Debt Can Break Families
Debt Stress and Marital Problems
A recent study conducted in the UK among couples revealed that many couples hide information about their debts from one another. This lying led to confrontations, distrust and the breakdown of families.
50% of people lie to their partner about money
The survey by Money Advice Service found that out of the more than 2,000 people interviewed nearly half were not always honest with their partner about finances (providing half truths and misdirection) while a 1/4 actually lied about their spending habits. Small lies, of course lead to broken trust and bigger lies. It pushes partners apart from one another as they sense their partner is not being open with them.
Another UK based debt counselling organisation recently conducted research into the topic and found that 3/4 of all their debt clients (and they have lots of clients) said their situation had caused arguments at home. Many of these arguments had to do with the cause of the debt problems. However the stress caused by the lack of communication, as well as the pressure to repay debt, often caused arguments about non debt related issues. A 1/4 of those they interviewed believe that it was the fighting about debt that led to the break down of their relationships and for many divorce.
Tips for families:
Have a regular day scheduled each month to go through the finances. Bring out the slips and add up the figures. Make sure it is not during a crisis and it is a quiet peaceful time. Maybe make some fun snacks or a fun meal to go with this regular event.
Be honest with one another. Financial matters can only be hidden for a short time before the truth comes out. Rather share the reality than be “caught out”.
Let children have the basic info about the family finances. Don’t scare them but make them aware if there are financial difficulties. They will see you are handling it (which sets a good example) and will be more ready to accept changes and reductions (and cooperate) if they know it is part of a family strategy.
Never blame your partner! Work together to overcome the common problem no matter how the problem arose.
Never try to carry all the weight of dealing with debt yourself. The stress will cause you to treat your partner poorly. Instead of protecting your relationship you will be damaging it.
Set a limit for personal spending. If you wish to spend above that limit then agree that partners will discuss the purchase with one another first. This can be done quickly via a phone call or message. Don’t exceed the limit without speaking to your partner first.
Work on a realistic budget together (or if you struggle with that sort of thing then go see a professional Debt Counsellor who will assist you with that).
