When Helping Hurts
Put on your own mask before helping others
If you’ve ever travelled on an aeroplane, you’ve probably heard the familiar safety announcement.
“If cabin pressure is lost, oxygen masks will drop from above your seat. Please put on your own mask before helping others.”
At first, that advice can sound strange. Surely your first instinct would be to help your young child, beloved spouse, or frail elderly one? There is a reason for the instruction, and it is quite simple.
If you lose consciousness while trying to help someone else, you won’t be able to help anyone at all.
The same principle often applies to our finances.
It’s Natural to Want to Help
Many people in debt review are caring, generous people.
They naturally want to help family members, close friends and others going through tough times. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, it is one of the qualities that makes families and communities stronger.
The challenge comes when helping others puts your own financial recovery at risk.
For example, you may have experienced financial stress and started the debt review process in order to sort out your situation.
Debt review is your opportunity to rebuild your financial future, and get back on stable footing. Protecting that opportunity is not selfish, it is one of the best ways to ensure that you can continue supporting the people you care about.
When Those We Love Need Help
Life has become expensive.
Many households are feeling the pressure of rising food prices, transport costs, electricity bills and other everyday living expenses. It is not unusual for an adult child to need temporary help after losing a job, for an elderly parent to require additional support, or for a brother, sister or close friend to experience financial difficulties after an unexpected life event.
It seems that life is full of unexpected events these days. For many South Africans, helping one another is simply what families do.
Whether it is paying for their groceries, trying to take on payments of their cell phone contract, contributing towards a grandchild’s school fees, helping with rent or lending money during an emergency, most people try to make life a little easier for those they love.
Once again, there is nothing wrong with wanting to help. Compassion is not the problem, not at all, it would be wrong not to feel concern.
The real question however, is whether you can help without placing your own financial recovery in danger.
When Temporary Help Becomes Ongoing Responsibility
Financial support often begins with the best of intentions.
You might say:
“I’ll just help them this month.”
Then another unexpected expense comes along.
Another month passes.
Then another.
Before long, what was meant to be a once off expense has now become a large part of your monthly budget.
This can happen gradually, that you hardly notice it.
Perhaps you’re still paying for an adult child’s car insurance, years after they started working. Maybe you’re covering a family member’s Netflix because they are “still getting back on their feet”. Perhaps a close friend has fallen into a pattern of regularly asking for small loans that are never fully repaid.
None of these situations begin as a long-term commitment. They simply become one over time, and they add up.
Debt Review Is Your Financial Oxygen Mask
When you’re in debt review, every Rand has an important purpose.
Your budget has been carefully prepared with help from your Debt Counsellor to cover your essential household expenses while allowing you to repay your debts in a structured and affordable way. Your budget will be tight but workable if you stick to the plan.
Each payment, every month, is another step towards your financial freedom.
Diverting money away from that fine-tuned plan, even with the best of intentions, can create pressure elsewhere.
You may find yourself struggling to cover essentials, delaying important household expenses or feeling tempted to borrow money again.
Debt review is not about having less, it is about taking control of your money.
Just as an oxygen mask allows you to breathe during an emergency, debt review gives your finances the stability it needs to recover.
Protecting that recovery should remain one of your highest priorities.
Why Saying No Can Feel So Difficult
Many people find it incredibly difficult to say no when someone they love asks for help, and that’s totally understandable.
You may worry that you’ll seem selfish.
You may feel guilty because you’re unable to provide the same level of support you once did.
Perhaps you’ve always been the person others could rely on.
But financial boundaries are not a sign that you care less.
They are simply an honest recognition of what you can and cannot afford.
A healthy budget is really a set of financial boundaries written down on paper.
Those boundaries protect your home, your future and your own peace of mind.
Helping Doesn't Always Mean Giving Money
One of the biggest misconceptions is that financial support is the only kind of support that can help.
In reality, some of the most valuable help may not involve handing over money that you desperately need yourself.
For example, you might help someone who has lost their job to prepare a professional CV, to search for job opportunities or practise for interviews.
With your debt review experience, you could help them create a more realistic budget or compare prices before making a major purchase. You could head to the shops together.
Perhaps you can provide childcare while they attend interviews or share a meal now and then if your budget allows.
Sometimes the greatest gift is simply listening without judgement and encouraging someone not to give up.
If someone is overwhelmed by debt, encouraging them to speak to an NCR registered Debt Counsellor may be one of the most important forms of support you can offer. By sharing your situation openly, it might help them take the necessary steps to turn things around.
Money is only one way to help. Often, your time, knowledge and encouragement have a far greater impact.
Support Should Build Independence
Healthy support should move someone closer to standing on their own feet.
That is very different from creating ongoing dependence.
Before defaulting to offering financial assistance, which you can’t really afford to give, ask yourself this simple question:
“Am I helping solve the problem, or am I simply delaying it?”
Paying someone’s expenses month after month may relieve today’s pressure, but it might also remove the urgency to find a lasting solution. It may delay our loved ones from making serious changes that are critical to their finances.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is help someone develop the skills, confidence and plan they need to regain their own financial independence.That may not feel as immediate (for either of you) as handing over money, but it often creates much better long-term outcomes.
Protecting Your Future Protects Those You Love
It is easy to focus on today’s emergency.
It is much harder to think about the years ahead.
Every time you sacrifice your own financial recovery or place your debt review in danger, you are also affecting your future ability to help others.
One day, you may want to assist your grandchildren with their education, enjoy retirement without financial stress or simply have enough savings to deal with unexpected medical expenses.
Those goals become much harder to achieve if your own financial foundation remains in chaos.
Looking after yourself financially today makes it more likely that you’ll still be in a position to help others tomorrow.
Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First
The airline safety announcement has remained the same for decades because it reflects a simple truth: you cannot effectively help others if you are in danger.
The same principle applies to your financial life.
Debt review is helping you rebuild your stability, confidence and control over your money.
Protect that journey.
Continue showing kindness, generosity and compassion wherever you can, but remember that support comes in many forms. Sometimes your time, advice, encouragement and presence are worth far more than the cash in your wallet.
Putting on your own financial oxygen mask is not an act of selfishness; it is an act of wisdom.
Once you are standing on solid financial ground again, you’ll be in the best possible position to keep helping the people who matter most.
Protecting your own financial recovery allows you to keep helping the people you love.
